Stinky kitchen

Kitchen Remodel --... in plainolebob's Blog

Posted on Sep 8, 2009 9:48 AM

Bess was gone visitin her sister, Cora Lees'. Now ain't nuthin unusual 

here,

 cause she goes to visit a lot and all. Durin the spring and the fall, we

 have to put out poison for them field mice, and such. When it rains

hard, we have to do the same thing, for the dang ole, big brown yard

 roachs, whut come inside the house. You know them big ugly ones.

We were goin thru one these spells, when I decide to put out them

 little bags of mice poison, and them fumigatin bomb things out, to get

 rid of them, and them other pesky house pets. This is why Bess, 

always

leaves to visit Cora Lee.

So, I, put them things ever where, under the cabinets, in the attic

, under the house, spray that Demon bug killer all round the house,

and go back to set off all the bombs. Now I use a lot of them bomb

 things, cause I wanna git rid of ever thin.

In the mean time, I go fishin down to Roll Gully, where my favoright

fishin hole is. Always catch a mess of fish there, besides can't do

 nuthin

round that house, with them bombs goin off and such.

I catch a mess of fish, more than a three tweleve pack fishin trip ought

to allow, you betcha. I figger, that house bomb stuff, ought to done it's

thing by now, sos I head home, clean them fish, put em in the freezer,

I got

 one them big deep freezers, you know, one them Kenmore type, whut

 holds

a lot.

I sweep up all them dead bugs, whut had died, didn't want Bess gittin

upset for this mess.

I go out side, in the back and fire up the BBQ pit and cooks me some

 pork

 chops and stuff on the grill, drank some beer, and made me some chops to

eat, there were a few left over, took em inside for later.

Next mornin, I'm sittin on the front porch, drinkin my coffee readin the

 paper,wavin at the people on their way to werk, waitin on Clem to bring

 the mail, and visit a spell.

Directly, Clem, shows up with the mail. He stops, says howdy , goes inside to

 git him a cup a coffee. Thats what we been doin for years. Any ways, he

 comes back outta the house, with this god awful look on his face, and says,

 Mr. Bob, what the hey is that awfullest smell comin outta yore kitchen. I

 thought for a minnit, and said Clem ain't nothin, I put out them bombs,

 to kill them unwanted house pets, othern that I don't know whut it might be.

So,Clem left to finish his mail rounds and such.

When I went back inside, after finishin the paper, I could smell

somethin that just weren't right, figgered it would go away.

Next mornin, this smell had grown so strong, I just knowed a mouse

 had died some wheres. I started huntin, lookin ever where, finally decided

 it must be in one the walls. Now I figger, this gonna be a chore, findin out

 which one these walls is holdin that dead mouse. It was.

I start tearin out cabinets, tearin up walls and such, makein a god awful

 mess. Worst part is, Bess, is gonna be back in three days, an I got this

whole kitchen done tored up and didn't find no mouse any wheres, man

 I gotta fix this kitchen back up, and pronto.

I, go to Lowes, and pick out all these cabinet to replace, cause I done

 tored up all the ones whut was there. They got these real good ones, whut

 are easy to put in and such, buy em, load em up, take em home and git started.

Day fore Bess gits home, and all them nice new cabinets is put in, lookin

good too, onlyest thing is, you can still smell thet god awful smell. Sos I figger,

 best way to git rid of thet there smell is to kill it. I git one them big bottles

of Clorox, and wash ever thin down. Man, I sill smell that stuff, sos I git

 me a gallon of amonia and wash thet over the Clorox. Now, I don't

 know if eny of you, ever done thet afore or not, but man this stuff will

 burn them little hairs off the inside your nose, like you wont't believe.

 My eyes is watterin, my breathin ain't there, man I git out that house,

 faster then a preacher goin after fried chicken.

If thet there don't kill thet smell ain't nuthin gonna werk.

I'm sittin on the front porch, readin the paper, drinkin my coffee, wavin

 at people on their way to werk, when Bess drives up. Just now gettin

back from Cora Lees' house.

She is so happy to see me, gives me a big kiss and hug, when I tell

 her she has new kitchen cabinets. Yep, went to Lowes and decided to

surpize ya. You betcha.

Bess, goes in the kitchen, to check out these here brand new cabinets

and such. Now I'm more nervous then a cow with a buck toothed calf,

when she says, oh Mr. Bob, these are beautiful, you finally got me these

 cabinets that I have been dreamin bout. More kisses, more hugs, then that

dang smell, raises up like a smoke detekter goin off. Maaaaan, I do not

 need that smell messin up all this sweetness, she smells it too.

I said, honey, must be a dead mouse somewheres here, I thought I smelt

 it too. I did not mention, the earlier events, leading up to these brand

 new cabinets, from Lowes, only that i would hunt down the place

 where the smell might be commin from.

Bess, is hungry from her ride from Cora Lees', and ask me to turn on the

 oven to make some bisquits. I turn on the oven, go get them bisquits

and start hearin this funny sound. It's commin from the oven, pop pop,

 sizzle sizzle. smoke pourin out and all.

I turn thet oven off real quick like, open the oven door, you ain't gonna

 believe this.

Remember them pork chops, I had left over, when I got back from

 fishin, well here they were, filled with poppin bugs, cookin up like little

 pop corns and the worst god awful smell you could ever imagine.

Those were the most expensive chops I ever cooked.

But, Bess, got her dream cabinets.